4

in chinese belief the number 4 sybolizes death.
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im dead!
inside me is empty
im a hollow shell
what was once in me is no longer there
i dont know...
Im really lost now...
LOVE???
what does it mean
is it something God gives us to make us eternally happy
or is it something he gives us to make us miserable.
I never said this before...
but im in love,
i still am
and right now im soo in love im willing to let them go.
I guess i wasnt the best person,
or the greatest one either.
all i know is what i feel in me is painful.
I feel like...im dead!!!
a rotting corpse in a coffin 6 feet under
but i still feel pain
that no other pain can ever match the pain right at this moment.
Why so we go out into the world and find that someone?
Why do we then sometimes and most often lose them?
Its not the idea of losing them or the idea that we lost them that hurts?
Im in that stage...
the part where someone doesn't know... anything!
UNCLEAR!
UNKNOWN!
IMPURE...
What if they love or if they dont???
Im broken
Shattered
A mess
as i sit here in the darkness of the room
I can not think i can not feel
but i have thought and i feel emotion.
like the pouring rain outside my window
I see myself drenched in water.
i can not stop cause the pain is deep
i just cant seem to stop it.
there are many things that makes me cry
but this one just hits the spot
I feel like there's no air and i need to breathe
the thought of jumping off a cliff seems sooo freeing
im lost..
please find me!!!
im nothing...
but i can be something!!!
i was was...
and we were were...
im not smiling...
i dont know if i can ever...
4 can mean a million things to me!
like four sides in a box i can build for you and me
we can stay in our own little world blocking others from bothering us
but 4 to me means just 2 things!!!
1 word with 4 letters
something i know deep down in me
or
4 words that means FOREVER...
cause I am yours till the end of days.
soo tell me now
and dont tell me then
if your not happy then I want you to be
there are no maybes
just yes or no's
i dont know about you
every moment spent without you
is a moment i dont exist.
so if youve moved on and i guess you have
i will cry and cry till i can no more
i will make myself a bath and soak
to wash myself to cleanse my soul.
so give back my heart if you dont need it no more
its not a toy and its not a joke.
I feel like a stranger in my own land
i feel i dont know anyone at all
Ive given you my life and thats all i care about
but i guess you cant do that anymore.
the snow has gone ans the sun is out
so i guess this is it... we leave our memories
with the washed up snow
and move on.
i dont know what im thinking right now...
all i can see and think and breathe and do
are things i did for you.
im nothing
im worthless
im not trying to get you back
for our 4 will never die
but when you decide to comeback
i'll be waiting by our favorite spot
i'll be seeing you in all the old familiar places
it will be hard and it will be agonizing
but i owe you happiness
so i cast you back into the sea
you may swim away if you want
i'll just be waiting by the dock.
so goodbye my lover
goobye my friend
its been a good run and this is the end
what we thought would be endless
has now reached its end
i dont know what to say but "the spare key is on the ledge"






"i love you forever"