6 months (day 34)

raising the bar
I miss you and i think you miss me
i didnt get to do much but i need to keep things safe
im not injured but it hurts
so i have to lay low till the hurt goes away
im taking it easy but the competition is in 2 days
soo i guess we have to keeo our pace up
we got to talk
i guess we're talking now
just a little
im getting used to the idea at last
and i think i can survive
i will hold on to this
i will hold on to us

emotional (day 33)

timing is everything
today seemed to be a rough day
and but it turned out to be a great one
we finally talke but i regret not spending the time wisely
i heard your voice we got to talk
and i feel soo alive
i needed it for me idk about you
i was dead and now i am alive
i hope that we can be what we were before
im sorry for being a total buzz kill
but i jsut need you
i just dont need you
i want you
i jsut dont want you
i yern for you
but i also jsut dont yearn
i love you!!!
i cant deny it
i cant hide it
and i cant stop my heart from expressing it
i know that i do
i really
really do

ranked 24th (day 32)

im in shock
i am tired
will i cry
should i
or should i be happy
i won today
it was a good victory
to win a hard battle feels soo good
i dug deep
used all my might and aimed for victory
i hope i can keep my momentum up
it feels good but i can not rest yet
the fight has just begun

another win but still a loss (day 31)

tired and worn out
i won today
and i will have to fight again in 2 days
i want to win
ive got my eyes set
but every win there is a loss
i want to win but youre not a prize that i can just win
i need to show you that i truly love you
and i have to wait for you to say it to
i guess we all have to wait
we cant have it all
i want you
i like you
i love you
why cant i have you
please tell me

weird feelings (day 30)

today was weird
and i went above and beyond
i won and conquered but my
true victory and prize is you
i wish we could be like how we were
just being friends is really sucky
the goal is your heart and i want to reach it
and i will only be happy if you can feel it to
i will be here sitting in the sidelines
till its hits you what answer to think of

(6/26/09)

say no to losing (day 29)

i will pursue a goal till i can no more
i will lock in my sights in one thing
i am fighting an endless battle
and i know i will be victorious
if you say "you dont knwo the answer to that next question"
then i say as long as you cant find the right answer
there is hope...
i will wait, not by yur side but from a distance
and tyou always know where to reach me
soo goodbye for now
cause as you know i am terrible at goodbyes
and sooo are you :P

what the drama (day 28)

so there isnt anything more i can say about like my life
its empty at the moment, but i dont quit
not on this... this is something worth every single fiber of my life
its not the distance or the heartache
i think that i will try my best to do what i can do
so here is go...

im lost and so are you
im in love, i dont know about you
this is worth all to me
and i want you all to me
the world maybe big and scary
but you are my world and thats all i need
i need you cause you complete me
i will go and do anything for you to want me
i know this maybe desperate or needy
but i have never felt anything like this
in my life...
im sorry
i love you
i want you to be my forever...

1438???

heart broken (day 27)

sealed myself in these four walls
turned down the lights and covered all the windows
i am in complete darkness to compensate the pain
it hurts so much cause we never got this over with
i thought the wounds have healed and there could still be hope
i was telling you i will prepare cause i know its coming
but i needed proof, i needed to find out and hear it for myself
words i dread to ever say, ive said...
you ripped out my heart and you know it
i really thought you were "the one" and i was hoping it would be
ive never been in any such a stong real relationship as ours
day 27 on the 23rd of june... subtract the two and you get 4
as i said im dead and you know why...
a part of me fled and its time i should die
a part of me died today, and my smile will never come back
i dont see the light in the end of the tunnel cause ive started diggin south
if you can tell me that there is not more hope
than my hope for love is dead
cause when i met you i met true love and i know i will never...
NEVER get that back again...
ive been in many shallow relationships but this was the jackpot
everyday waking up to you was something to look forward to
tomorrow as the sun shines over my cheek i will feel like a bottomless pit
of nothingness
i am consumed by the dark and i shall shut out the light
i gave you my life and my heart
and i pormised you it would be forever...
i think that since i am a man of my word i should follow
but is this temporary or is this it
idk.... I JUST DONT KNOW...

(i will remember this day forever, the day my heart got crushed for the only person ive ever truely loved, for the only REAL relationship ive ever been on, and the only one i can consider "the one" now and forever)

[dead man walking]
now i will listen to "my angel's music"

insoF*%$incredible (day 26)

so you tell me the news
and what do you want me to do
im lost and so are you
the pain ive managed to heal
is coming back again
the wound that healed had opened again
the blood gushing from my torn skin
its flows further and further away from me
i need that to survive cause its what keeps me alive
im losing it in a rapid rate
and there isnt anything i can do about it
ive left my fate in the hands of someone else
its up to them to bring me back from the dead
my heart rate going down my breathing getting shorter
i can see a light from a distance
my fate hanging on the hands of one person
needles, knives, thread and blood...
blood, sweat and tears is what theyve given off
im flat lining now but will it be for long
my sould leaving my body faster thatn you can say "gone"
soo i put my fate into the hands of others...
and all i have to do is lay down
play dead and see what happens...

JE NE SAIS PAS!!!

its like a bandaid, just rip it off (day 25)

the weirdest things happen to me
im like a pendulum
i sway back anf forth with no control
the only control i have is that i have a beat
timing, my heart...
its complicated and you need more time
im distraught and full id disdain
why does this happen to me
does it happen to you or you or you?
who am i now, where am i without you?
are we better off or what?
the things we cant determine and cant not find out
ignorance is sometimes bliss
but bliss can be painful or sad
the knowledge of not knowing maybe sad
the knoeledge of knowing is bad
the illusion of knowledge is not that we know
its what we dont know
so we can go on
more forth and not turn back
lets just call it as it is
sometimes there are things not worth living
and well baby this is it
rip it off
peel it away
sometimes its not that it will protect you
its the things that you think protect you
that will hurt you
ive felt the pain and its something i dont need to feel
so many times in my life...
it it was worth it then maybe i may use another
if not i think i can live without you to bother

143.8 kms and plate numbers (day 24)

today we hit the road
something same and its never old
i stop to get some gas
cause my car seems low in it
i take a glance on my dash
and i see the kilometer reading
the last time i loaded gas i remember putting 20 liters,
and put the odometer in 0.0
and now it says and its not joke "143.8"
i say "are you kidding me" and i take a moment to think of you
i get up, load gas and get on the open road...
i seem to be following the same car for miles now
and hey... what do you know
the plate number tells me "143 GTM"...
a silver van can mean many things
a simple since i know means one thing
i smile and play some tunes from my iphone
and i drive along the road
as i pass each breathe taking view
how i wish you were here next to me
looking at what i could see
and hoping that someday it will be
so for now my day was exciting and filled with something new
i wish you a safe trip in all that you do
nothing is going to stop us now
not the sun, the rain or even God
for soemthing inside me knows that im not looking
but the things around me remind me im taken
soo i dont really care for what you have to say
hear me out and then you may
its been nice and fun and just words can not describe
im off to bed now im soo tired
i know you are busy and i know youre tired too
but nothing is as tired than my heart for you
je t'aime mon cher

Denny's and Dont's (day 23)

the things we do is what makes us who we are and same things for food
the things i do is something i like doing
is there something i should be doing
something better or something different
sometimes it scares me and sometimes im sure
is it that we are not certain
do we have certainty for anything
what will we do
do we buckle down and crawl into a rock
do we stay on the same road and never change lanes
Bacon and eggs, a short stack cold butter and hot maple
simple things that gives us certainty
:|
so what will we choose
what will we do
and will we always like it

:|

all i know is 143... :P
(going camping this weekend)

when the saints come marning in (day 22)

today was like all the others
wake up
survive
break something (not intentionally)
and try to attempt to sleep
and then fail
there are things that make me smile
there are things that make me sad
some of which might tell you why
and some will stay with me till i die
im happy now
its something in the air
its not that im not in love
my love is boundless now and i can no longer bare
so what are we doing
as we let time fly
its simple though that i must die
we all have to and we need not to worry
cause if i do i know you will be by my side
to hold you for eternity and never let you go
to rest in peace and say hello
the goodbyes may have been painful
but they have already faded away
its time for me
my era will begin
:)

143 still

amongst love, goodbye and fun (day 21)

the reality has bitten me
ive gotten infected
the virus runs thru me
and now my life just ended
as i layed there being brought back to life
i wondered... "why?"
the only thing that kept me was that question
and now ive realized theres more to life than wonder
so today i wondered off
enjoyed my life and saw the world
left a message
said a few lines
and see where things go from there
i know things will head where they need to go
but as ive seen this same old picture
time like before
it might be a repeat, a remake or a replay
of many good things that have come to a hault
so this i say to you
no pressure
no stress
the burden is not on you
its on what you will come to do
make it quick and choose wisely
cause once we cross that road its more likely
as of now lets hit the road
relax and enjoy the show
1438

the day to upset all days (day 20)

the feeling of being down uplifted
the sadness within is different
when you finally spoke it gave me hope
though the message wasnt that good
i knew you just had to
it seems like you were really not into it
so i guess i jsut have to say im sorry
if you cant take it then thats just it
ive spent my last few weeks in pain
and i guess its time to fly
ive never felt better in all my life
im not saying its all over babe
all im saying is its all up to you
trying to keep my mind in calm places
im at peace all i can say is:
"call me when you need me"
cause im exhausted and im going to take it easier now
ive begged, slaved and cried
weeped, worried and almost died
so so long lover
its all on you now...
au revoir 143


8??? thats up to you

leaving a message (day 19)

leaving...
its a strong message...
tell me something
anything
send me a sign
or some foreword
signs, words and numbers
all remind me of you
like 143, the time and words like fellatio and
watching highschool marching bands in formations
its weird how these things have come up in context
i miss you
and i want to be with you
please babe hear me out
leave me a message at least
before you completely leave me
1438!!!! and i mean it!

a sign
you finaly texted
at least i know youre al alright

love/rest waits for nobody (day 18)

shall i rest or should i still try
when i lost i did die
a part of me cried
and i hoped you were there to be by my side
signs everywhere point me to you
i cant get away from it and thats why i love you
i look back and read all the good and bad times
and tell myself its all not a lie
signs like "thw two of us @ 143"
or random glances at the time
where are you now and why arent we talking
i hope youre fine and ok
you know im fine cause i make the effort to tell you
i hope you do the same cause i really need you
you are a part of me now and forever
i hope yu see that more than ever
if you think i would let this die like all the others
i wont make that happen like with blaise, leighann and the others
soo please look at me and tell me if you feel anything
just tell me now and make it quick
cause you cant keep me hanging not now not ever
143 honey!!!

limp your way out (day 17)

today was a nice attempt
ive attempted to win
to reach you
to get you back
to aim for the gold
i won 2 games
and lost in the 3rd round
an injury
pain
and a lot of sound
ive called you
and ive said hello
texted you to let you know
youve said nothing
and i guess its a definite no
soo whatever we are
we are not anymore!!!
goodbye my love
please at least tell me over the phone!

testing the strings (day 16)

a swing
a swoosh
a hit and a miss
new strings
new things attached
more drama
and same drama
there are many things to look at with testing strings
different tension
more power
new balls
new things rolling
what will happen
will they go in
or come flying out
will it be successful
or will it be tragic!!!
havent heard anything from you @ all
and i have done everything possible
will you hit me up back
or will you continue to be a jock
not attached
linked snapped
and no contact point
:(

The day to wonder (day 15)

Today was something different
Got some rest
Got somethings done
Ive been all around town and back
wondering along the freeway and highways
thinking and reading the signs
seeing you in everything i see
i stop to pick the paper
the horoscope tells me the obvious
it tells me that i will be seeing you everywhere today
and that you will be in a tiresome exercise but the effort is worth it
sounds like our destiny is to the T
so what happens now
i hear nothing from you
not a sound or a peep
what are you telling me?
is this your way of saying that there isnt anythingt else we can do
so if there isnt i will still be here
you tell me what to do
for now i will just say
143!!!

june 10,2009 (day 14)

today has been a day i want to forget
but a day to celebrate a brothers birth
i lost someone and ive told them clearly
but they seem to have lost all points of reality
im left here, alone and lonesome
i said my final peace
and its all on you!
goodbye my love
i missed a day and its a sign!

initiative to or not (day 13)

will i go
should i even
if i were then what would happen
if i didnt woul you even
i didnt
and you didnt
im depressed
saddened
but not shocked at your behaviour!
ive tried my best
and seems like you didnt try at all
sorry to say im done of it all
the fire maybe there
but the flame is dying down
so this is me trying to fan the love up
as hard as i try to rekindle what we have
you so quickly want to kill
so i will say this again my love for you is real
if you want to be mr.cool and be unreal
then fine whatever move on
i will be here where you left me last
not some loser you think is fat
to say that is to judge yourself
soo goodbye
farewell
adios

about today 22:04 (day 12)

@ 10am today i learned my fate
@ 10:04 tonight i sealed it
as we spoke the song about today plays
and it goes like this:


"Today you were far away
and I didn't ask you why
What could I say
I was far away
You just walked away
and I just watched you
What could I say

How close am I to losing you

Tonight you just close your eyes
and I just watch you
slip away

How close am I to losing you

Hey, are you awake
Yeah I'm right here
Well can I ask you about today

How close am I to losing you
How close am I to losing"


so true and so sad
the words maybe sad
but i will find a way to see things through
i hope you find a way for yourself to
if you dont then there is no more hope
there is nomore me or you
goobye and goodnight
i wont see you for a while
au revoir mon cher

will they CALL it??? (day 11)

something happened
something didn't
someone reached for the stars
and someone stayed to where they are
do we just sit and relax
do we choose to move forward
will we make the right choices
or will we fail to do the ones we set out to do
did i fail to communicate
or did you fail to get the word
should i just keep waiting
or will you ever get out of your world
there are many things i cant explain
but there is one thing i thing remains constant
its that i can always read you
let me see
"I am sorry"
"i got caught up"
"i am busy"
"i have no time"
"can we reschedule"
"can we do it next time"
"i will try again some other time"
"its hard for me right now"
"i don't see it happening today"
"I'm sorry an you are right"
well this is what i have to say
get your act together and call if you really want to
don't make empty promises you wont stick to
people have lives to live as well
so when you say something
please stick to it or if not at least tell
if you do tell, tell on time, don't keep
my hopes up till there ain't no more time.
so I'm sad and deeply saddened by your excuses
don't tell me you love me cause that ain't love for me

rest assured? (day 10)

i got some sleep but did i rest well?
have you gotten any rest?
do we have time to rest???
is rest for the lazy
is it for the undetermined
where do we go on from here
i rested well but i have to jog myself
rest is for those who can afford it
does rest assure us of anything?
do we burn out of we dont rest?
all i know is today wasnt a great day for me
i lost them all
and the only thing changed was i got rest.
:(

no day is rest day... (day 9)

i cant sleep
a song that reminds me of you is great
i try to call and make you hear what i hear
but you are not there
i leave a voicemessage
but it takes to long
i have to elave early to meet up
go up a mountain and get ready
go down the maountain catch a ride
and sleep
when i get to the court im not alone
i get to play but not so well
now the day is gone and i won some
but lost a lot
i get a call for the one i love
i say hi
and they say hello
i tell them i love you
and they say i love you too
we exchange some words and some parts of our days
the smile in me keeps growing and i just want it to stay
but my rideis here and i have to go
they were sleepy so i had to let go
till another day i bid you good night
for tomorrow will come and so as the sun
1438!

turn the heat up (day 8)

the heat is up
the sun is out
i go out to play
but there is nobody there
you wake up and go out
its not all fun and games
we might still be sore
we might be a little tired
but the drive in us will surely keep us alive
sometimes when all seems down
we see a sign
and it tells us we are always in mind
143 JTM
a sign i saw today.
it reminded me of you
and i said i hope they also have a good day
so today i dedicated my hard work to you
and in return it was more than i assumed
so we sleep into the night talking for just a bit
and we wake up to the same thing
maybe for you
but how about me???

waking up to the same day (not quite) (day 7)

ingored? ignoring or ignorant?
missed, missing or miss!!!
waking up to the same tune
waking up to the same day
somethings may have changed
but still the same feelings
working hard onnevery stroke
on every step and on every point or dot
was i ignored?
did i ignore you?
or was we're we just ignorant?
I missed you reply
now im missing you
and now i constantly miss you
for the sun shines for us both
the heavens above gives us light
the only thng that brightens my days
are when i can spend jest for even a few minutes
TIME with you

143???

sore and thrist to meet goals (day 6)

are we sore
do we soar
who soars?
i slept in the serenity of your music
the calm smoothe and sometime aggressive
this is what you do and that is what i dont
we have goals and deadlines
i have mine
you have yours
I'm all stretched out
and so do you
under the heat of the sun
you rehearse as i train
under the same sun we are one
im done
and so you are
i am sore and you are more
you go to sleep and so will i
you are tired and so am i
tomorrow you wake up to do the same things
and for me i will as well
our lives has synced again

bonne nuit de miel! Dormez bien! rappelez-vous je t'aime pour toujours et à jamais!

= good night honey! sleep tight! remember i love you forever and ever


"-the music follows me everywhere, you are everywhere i go"

new era! much more life to see (day 5)

new leaf
new month
new era
new life
more choices
more roads
more decisions
confused?
baffled?
boggled?
time draws us closer
and time draws us apart
practice is what we need
and that is what we do
distance is what we have
love is what keeps us together
the laziness of getting out of bed
the tiresome exercises and drills can seem bad
but the pain whips us into shape
people watching us
people eyeing our every movement
yelling at you when you are wrong
mistakes
wrong moves
wrong desicions
to anticipate is to be ready
focus
look ahead
and concentrate
theres only one goal
and its oneway or the highway
are we distracted
is it our mental state
as i always say

"je ne sais pas?!? Ne me demandez pas!?!"