7months part 2 "cold"(day 65)

making a big 180
the sun is up
the temperature is down
i feel the3 cool breeze hitting me
it soothes me and revives me
i feel alive
am i alive?
what makes us live
is it a choice or a curse
can i say im suffocating even though im breathing right
can i also say ive died even though im alive
all i can say today was something different
a change in weather
in spirits
and in hopes
something not 100% assuring
but something to look at and look forward to
i hope :S

7 months part 1 "hot" (day 64)

another mark to start
and no signs of relief
we train so hard but nothing to see
its up to you to see the bigger picture
its a mural of you and me by the sea
the sea that holds endless bounds
the clear waters that purify us
its just that we need water at the moment
the weather is just soo hot
with hot temperature come hot heads
and heads full of themselves
to keep up a level head is simple
i had to cool down so i met up with some people
these people i know and love
i would die for them cause they would do the same for me
i dont know if im comfortable with all of them
i know im comfortable with most
its not that the weather brings out the best or the worst in us
but sometimes its nice to let loose once in a while
soo i say why not lets have a drink or two
not to strong or too heavy as my coach will kill me
all the things that were said and done
i go bak home and realize its here
i tell myself ohh hii hello how are you
but till tomorrow i know you wouldnt have answered
its a commo thing and ive grown to accept it
ive got my life in track right now and i think
it will jsut keep getting better
so the train is set and we are taxing away
lets just say i have a co pilot with me already
she's great amazing and a perfect lady
but it would be nice to have you along for the journey
ohh well what can i say you never mess with a "perfect" thing

for Lady Emily de Michelangelo of The Louvre (day 63)

"4725 miles"
in many ways the number 4 plays a strong part in my life
the distance keeping us apart
the years we've been in touch (roughly 4years)
though so far apart
its always seemed like your were so close
where did i go right
how did i meet you
i ask myself that question sometimes
and i tell myself "thank god"
in years that have come and gone
in all the good and bad days
you were there
by my side and always listening
shared our lives
triumphs...
sorrows...
heartaches and heart breaks
the joy and tears and laughing years
its been great...
i find myself smiling
cause youre always smiling :)


"de Michelangelo"
the days pass and things change
one thing stays constant and that is you
i dont know where i would be if i didnt meet you
like art i can say that emotion is key
self expression and passion is all you need
the canvas we create can be viewed in many million ways
results are endless and they are bound by the beholder
all these i can say is you
for when i stare into the sunny bright sky
or into the darkness of the night
the only thing more constant then the passing of days and time
is that you were there by myside
is it as simple as saying youre the best
well i know it is :)


(im still drawingthe picture... soo wait for it if youre already reading this :P)
<3

3 pieces...(day 62)

so i decided to edit some stuff to make it better
i think it says a lot about what i think off in my totally random mind
i have thoughts of this now more and more
and it clouding my days more and more
idk what it means but i hope i do figure out a way
to remedy the void causing the pain


PART 1
I'm sick, you're tired
Break to love make lust I know it isn't
Cold as numbers
shake it off and dance
As though it were easy for you to lead me
I could be passive gracefully
Half the horizon's gone
a skyline of numbers
working the numbers
'till I'm sick
Sleep don't pacify us until
Daybreak sky lights up the grid we live in
Dizzy when we talk so fast
Fields of numbers streaming past
I wish we were farmers, I wish we knew how
To grow sweet potatas and milk cows
I wish we were lovers, but its for the best
Tonight your ghost will ask my ghost,
Where is the love?
Tonight your ghost will ask my ghost,
Who here is in line for a raise?
Tonight your ghost will ask my ghost,
Where is the love?
Tonight your ghost will ask my ghost,
Who put these bodies between us?






PART 2
i walk up, up the stairs here, cause i see you left the light on
hoping that I come in there and lye down by your side.
Theres a hole, down inside me, you once filled, filled me all up.
in the dark of the night, we whisper,forever,forever???
where did we go? i lost you??? i lost you...
where did we go? I needed it??? I dont
where did we go? can't go on without you
i Walk in,you're already sleeping,so you can't hear me speaking.
i bet you we're dreaming, oh do you still dream about me?
do you believe i still remember, all that we said, about surrender it to eachother like we're lovers,

forever,forever,forever...
where did we go?
i lost you
i need you
i want you
i can't live without you yeah






PART 3

Without you, there's no reason for my story
And when I'm with you I can always act the same
Forever, yeah if we're together
We can make it better
You and I
We never get to sleep we're up all day
We're overworked and under paid
We're always stuck in repeat day by day
Watching time drift away as we burn away
And when I'm with you I can always act the same
Forever, yeah if we're together
We can make it better

You and I
We've never felt so right
That just might be just what I need to get me through the nights
We're the perfect fit you've got me hooked
So then I could never ever quit
we can make it....
we can... make it!!!

cameos, shorts and phone calls (day 61)

lets give them something to talk about
and i did
to make a scene, play a part
formulate a solution
talk your way into a conversation
live the role
follow through with the part
being the character
answering the call
getting a callback
casting a part
becoming a lead
all so interesting
things falling into play
where are we now...
things i want to say cant be
improvisation
its all to sudden but you do the quick draw
a show of hands
lay them down and reveal yourself
exposed for everyone to see
here is what i can say

" "
there...
thats it...
can you see what i mean...
does that make sense...
will it ever...
will you understand???

stressed and freaked out (day 60)

one message
seeing your name
it sends me off in a whirl wind
what do i do
i feel the pull of an emotional undertow
its like i cant breathe
im drowning in muxed emotions
im clouded in complete and unexplained heartache
what is this
why cant i shake it off
well i guess i might find out pretty soon enough
20 days and counting...
yuppp

virgin festival & celebration of light (day 59)

today was a bust
rain poured down
i got wet
the festival wasnt awesome
and te celebration was ordinary
to top it all off i get this from you
reading it made my heart stop
and i started to panic
i needed a friend to talk to
so i called francois
sorry to say you still own me
you still have my heart...



"I'm here. I'm on the bus, going to sleep now. we've been having long talks in the back of the bus. let's just say I'm not in the mood to chat. sorry. goodnight."


the rain may still be here,
but it can not wash away my tears
it can not flood my emotions
and it can not take away my moments of insanity
you can love me or hate me
as long as i get closure
is all i need, the hardest thing though is
i can never let you go...

tired (day 58)

confusion...
the days fly on by faster than ever
does waking up making the day go by
not knowing what day of the week it is...
i try to keep my hands full
but i seem to be sooo (i cant even find the word to explain this)
soo i try to be more active
i jog
i hike
i bike
and i play tennis
trying to clear my head
not with the open road
but the shadows of the pine trees in the woods
the dirt surrounding me
the purity of the air
as the sun hits my face
and the rays reveal my soul
i feel like the an empty room
heating up as the sun hits the panes
as i stand the time passes i cant stop
hearing the lines, the words...

"The greatest mistake is giving up...
That true strength lies in the will to keep trying,
Keep hoping things will get better.
Keep reminding yourself that all is accomplished.
Keep everything in perspective.
Keep up the fight!
Because at the end of the day thats what youre left with the knowledge:
you did your best and you'll wake up tomorrow and try again"

signs (day 57)

why do i see them
why are they there
they seem to follow me
they remind me of you
i try to ask myself why does this happen
and i dont think its bizarre
are you trying to tell me something
or am i going mad
all i know is that today
i felt you with me
everywhere i went
and its not cause i was imagining it
cause you wrapped me with youre presence
143!!!

obladi obladah life goes on (day 56)

another summers day

random utters of memories passed
and memories concealed in time
as i quote myself today
"do not "awww" me, though thoughtful and heartfelt."
"I am I, and you are you"
"Irreplaceable not even in time"
"So I say to you: You mean more than just one summers day"

4 lines in pure emotion
all raw caught up in my heart
for all of time to heal or die

i will not forget the moments that we were
in my heart its locked up with numbers
the combination so hard to decipher
only you will know the answer
for these are yours to keep and my burden
to carry... dont be sorry i know i am ready

the music is in you, follow it (day 55)

music is everywhere
you just have to find it
its something that doesnt follow you
its in you
every second you lay or stand awake
under the sun or beneath the moon
you hear it
you feel it
the rhythm the rhyme
the sound and pitch the moves us
it cultivates us to go
what are we
in the short fragment of time
i see so many but hear so less
but when i hear the music i follow it
its soothing and its alluring
its in me
and its in you
143 mon cher

competative friendly games 5 out of 7 (day 54)

well another day
and back to business
i cant get into my whole game yet
so i gathered some people
great players...
ncaa ranked and all
i came
i saw
i conquered
it took 2 games to warm up
and took 2 losses to win 5
intense games
i had fun
but it wasnt my best
i wish the pain could go away 100%
:S

hunting with mom (day 53)

out and about
looking around
another house
another town
they look all amazing
they all have their charm
there are some that are good
and some that seem good
the view, the location
or the house...
why do women shop when they need
to clear the air
i guess thats how the cookie crumbles
its not all the same :|

july 18 hospital (day 52)

today wasnt any different
im tired
sleep deprived
annoyed, smelly, sticky and in pain
why is the hospital sooo F'd up
why do we pay people to talk but who are supposed
to take care of us
its dumb really
its lack of concern
ive been here for more than a day and ive seen a
bunch of the worlds highly paid bums, Aholes and
B*tches... soo yeah :|
hopefully i can get out of here as soon as i can
before i grow any older or before i die :|

17 x 3 = (day 51)

today is a great day, i feel good about today
lost 2 but got taken off to the hospital on the third
anxiety and stress...
as i said if it happens it happens
i guess it chose today of all days
i feel soo alone and feel like im dying
the pain in me is growing and i cant stop it
as i get shots of morphine my body fights the numbness
i feel each blow, each painful crunch, each agonizing minute
all i could tell myself is if its meant to be then so shall be it
i guess i need to rest i will be here for a while
this is me in the H
peace out...

into the 16th (day 50)

got to the next round barely winning again
the competition is really gettting tougher and tougher
whoever wins basically has nerves of steal and
atm mine are reaching their breaking point
ive got a lot on my plate and it seems like im going
to crash one day or another
it sucks cause i have nobody to let all my thoughts out
u have her but she isnt there
i have him but he isnt available
ohh well whatever happens happens...

in when your out (day 49)

i woke up today without a plan
to hear those word through the phone mae me jump for joy
i was in and needed to get ready.
i knew that this was my second chance to prove to myself i was made for this
this is the day unlike any other
run
fight
victory
victorious
as i walk back to rest
i think of you and you then message me
the second i think of messaging you
at sync
and always on time
you are me
and i am you
wish each other luck
and head our different ways again
its what we have to do
time will only tell
i go home and rest soundly knowing you are there
you were always there 143 mon ami

so long (day 48)

2 out of 3
thats what i had today...
it was a valliant effort. and i can say i did my all
i tried and failed to suceed
i went the distance and i fell short
i guess i can just try harder the next time
time ti pick things up
pack up
gohome and keep practicing
:P

down but not out but in (day 47)

another long day, another day through the next round.
what will i do to succeed.
an injury happend and i jut stood there
does the greed of wanting to win shadow my humanity
where was my soul when i needed it
i won
not by finishing a game
was i proud of it
maybe i was.
i guess im proud at the fact that i wasnt the first between
2 players to get an injury.
the rules of nature is simple survival of the fitest
i guess i was the stronger one
:s

you were missed (day 46)

its a normal day like any other
is there something new in the air or is there someone else out there
i turn to to see who calls me
a glance, i stare and see that same old smile.
the rush of mixed feelings i dont think i cant explain
were you missed?
i think i can say i may have not but in the moment i saw you
it hit me like a bus and emotions fueled my hunger
once the movelty runs out
maybe i can say you werent missed
the novelty will run out i give it a day not longer than a week.
:P

stanely park (day 45)

i won 3 for 3 in 11 :P
im soo tired i gave it my all
and i have to give it again tomorrow
hope i dont run out of legs
or lungs :P
i need to head you but i just want to tell you
thank you
i know you believe in me and i believe in you too
143 8?

mini tournament (day 44)

i won today :) feels so good, i had a chance to reflect on something
here it is its a segment only and i love it to bits...


Demon or bird! (said the boy's soul,)
Is it indeed toward your mate you sing? or is it really to me?
For I, that was a child, my tongue's use sleeping, now I have heard you,
Now in a moment I know what I am for, I awake,
And already a thousand singers, a thousand songs, clearer, louder
and more sorrowful than yours,
A thousand warbling echoes have started to life within me, never to die.

O you singer solitary, singing by yourself, projecting me,
O solitary me listening, never more shall I cease perpetuating you,
Never more shall I escape, never more the reverberations,
Never more the cries of unsatisfied love be absent from me,
Never again leave me to be the peaceful child I was before what
there in the night,
By the sea under the yellow and sagging moon,
The messenger there arous'd, the fire, the sweet hell within,
The unknown want, the destiny of me.

the numbers 1, 4 & 3 (day 43)

everywhere i look i see these numbers
in rapid succession and in the same order
why is it that i see you everywhere
i cant deny it i love you where ever
my tournament is coming up
and i cant help but wonder
yours is also next in line and i want
to wish you all the best
i miss the times we could talk with out end
i guess thats not happening
not now...
but maybe then



143 - 8???

12:34:56 7/8/9 (day 42)

today was boring the rain came and washed my thoughts away
i had a call and i guess i took a walk
talking to people makes me feel alive
and walking just seems soo nice
the weather was better and i just wanted to go for a chat
but i guess i didnt cause we went out
i want to play so bad i guess i cant
cause its still raining

its raining (day 41)

the time to revies it here
the opportunity presents itself
i wish i wish
i wish we could be
there are things that i can
and can not do
there are things that you can and can not do
i wish i couls be like the rain
to wash away the pain
to clense you of your misery
why cant you see im here for you
why cant you see that is all i will do
for i am here
you are there
i may not be near
but i will always be here

formally announcing my return (day 40)

today ive decided
i made my choice and im sticking to it
i wont back out this time and i know
that this is for real
i miss it
its in me
and i know that it will always haunt me
welcome back to my life
i know you were there
you never left me
its something i cant deny
its a part of me
i will try to be the best
like i always dooo
i love you with all my heart
debate!!!
i love you!!!

the return of the great (day 39)

to be great is to think you are one
to ve great is to try and achieve greatness
i witnessed greatness today
i applaud you for it
i beleive that i can be great
and i will be
i know i am but i can be better

4th of july (day 38)

so many people speak to me in my ear
many suggestion and though about my game
should i listen or should i shut them out
why does it seem like the world is on my back
why does it seem im all alone
i get a little glimse of you
and it seems like your so distant
why are you so distant
why does it feel so cold
so many things toying with my emotions
so many thing to think of
whyis everything feel like is falling down bricks
have i cracked or will i...
im on the verge and its soo close
hearing so many people
makes me feel so pressured
soo overwhlemed
i am overwhelmed
i am soo super stressed

the utter shame of loss (day 37)

i guess i was out played
i gave it my all but i guess the best got me off guard
i need to keep things focused and in sync
losing isnt something to be ashamed off
but i am ashamed of myself for not trying hard enough
to be a winner is to be focused
to be a winner is to stay on track
is it the pressure
no its just me
its all in me
take a breathe and pace yourself
siimple thingsbut i seem to stop doing it
im the idiot for not doing it
you need to calm down
i need to slow things down

winning by tie break (day 36)

todays training was the hardest ive ever done
i had to fight against my number one weakness
LAZINESS
i broke free from it and i feel invincible
i won today but what im looking forward to is tomorrow
ihope i win if not i guess i can try again
im aiming for the gold and i will try my best :)
hope i win :)

canada day (day 35)

i am gearing up for a game in two days
i hope i make through the next round
the fight maybe a hard one
but i will struggle
i wish my knees were strong like before
i really need to get a life
im starting to feel theres more to this
am i just losing hope in me
i hope not
i need to fight my pesimistic attitude
its not good for me or anyone who believes in me
thats if there is one :(